Emotional Off Switches

I have really tried to do one thing: to try and bring you the truth. You may not like the truth as I see it, but I will always tell you what is really on my mind.Still, you are likely already bored, so I better get to it before you click this off and just move on to the next entry.

In my letter to Santa, one of the things I asked for was an emotional off switch, just something to shut it all down for a while. Didn’t get that one, nor did anyone pony one up for my birthday, but I am still hopeful. It might still happen.What I am looking for is really not so rare, you know. A lot of people have one. They go from day to day, thinking life is purely about them and no one else. They grew up cold, and remained cold. Nothing really bothers them, except in as much as it might interfere with their day-to-day lives.

If you are one of those people, then just stop reading right here and now, and be thankful to any deity you believe in, even if it is the dollar, pound, or euro that you worship.

You may be irritated by the world around you not always remembering to cater to your every need and whim, but you are being spared something far worse: emotional loneliness.However, speaking to an artistic community as I hopefully am, I think that the bulk of you who have gotten this far will keep on reading, because you might just know a thing or two on the topic. It comes in a lot of different levels and flavors, you know. Your loneliness and my own might be very different things, but they are no less debilitating over the years.

So let’s take a moment to consider and acknowledge all of those folk who are going from one day to the next in a shroud of solitude, and would do anything in the world to shake it off, to be happy and fun and not have to be alone with their own thoughts night after night. Because they believe, just like I do, that there are some genuinely happy people out there, people who found that completion in their life, who are just as much into that person as that person is into them, and for whom the long view looks pretty shiny. Take a second and remember all of those who don’t, and raise a glass and salute the bravery with which they face their day to day lives:

· Consider all of those who didn’t get dealt a fair hand physically. Either they came out wrong, and something happened along the way, and no one wants to look at them, much less touch them.

· Give a thought to the girl who lets herself be the desperation fuck, the one you can call every couple of months and ask out and know that you are going to get some that night, and she lets herself go ahead and do it, because she misses the guy so much. Or maybe she doesn’t. Because deep down, she knows what she is to him, and she really detests him for it, but at least she won’t be home alone that night.

· How about the husband or wife who so utterly hate the creature they are married to, but have no way to break free. And let me tell you something, for some, there is no way, and so when they are alone they sit and take the long view of their lives, and know that this is it, it doesn’t get any fucking better from here, so just cry for a little while and settle in and just get used to it.

· Don’t forget the guy or the girl who carries the torch for that one person, that singular individual who is the sun and the stars and the moon to them. And that guy or girl would go through hell for the person, but the object of this person’s affections doesn’t even see them, except when it is convenient. Still, they put their pride and their dignity aside, even when sense, logic, and friends tell them to say "Go and fuck yourself" to this person, because they just keep holding out hope, even if it is for just one perfect day.

· How about this: how about that individual who has become so hardened and calloused by everything I have just described to you, who has built such a massive and fortified wall to keep themselves from getting hurt anymore, that they become unreachable. And they would give anything to be able to reach beyond that wall, but they have forgotten how.

· What about those who broke free, only to find that life on the other side, after you got rid of that horrible person in your life, is awfully damn cold. And they let themselves drift into things that they really shouldn’t have, because it beats another night of Law and Order reruns, because one more night of it and you really will go quite insane, you are sure of this.

· Lest we forget: we have all done things that were wrong. Some of us worse than others. Remember the folk who are so incapable of self-forgiveness that they lose the ability to see the good in others.

· Don’t forget the individual who finally faces the awful question "Are you afraid to go home?" Because now that loneliness they are so ashamed of is out there for all the world to see, and now it must be faced.

Oh, there a plenty more that we could talk about, and I will bet some of you are thinking of examples right now. Any of these examples, or combinations, make it awfully tough to keep on doing the dance called life, and it take one tough son of a bitch to keep it up sometimes. So finally, let’s raise a glass and a wish to the ones that don’t make it, who find the pills or the gun or the rope.

And I’ll tell you something, I don’t honestly believe they really wanted to die. I don’t really and truly believe that they wanted to end their existence on this earth and create such turmoil for their families. Some do, no doubt, but I think a lot really just wanted one thing: to shut the awful, howling, screaming silence of solitude off in their heads for just a little while, to just make it go away and give them a break. So before you point fingers and use words like "coward" try walking a crooked mile in their shoes, and see how happy you are.

PS—Don’t worry, OK? This is not a plea for help on my side, just an observation, like all the others I have made, just to maybe offer something worth thinking about.

Jesus did not have some sort of lock on the parable.

Jesus did not have some sort of lock on the parable.


Now, before certain of you get all kinds of furious at me for bringing name up, I did not have an intention to make this a religious discussion. Some of you believe that Jesus Christ was the son of God. Personally, I think we start to take a dodgy path when we start assigning specific names other than simply "God", but that is MY personal belief, not yours, and let’s all just leave it at that for today, what do you say?

Almost all of human communication takes place in the form of storytelling, in one shape or another. Unless we are doing something real basic like the weather outside, some form of storytelling takes place. It is how we convey ideas, events, and predictions to one another. It is the manner in which we establish our right or ability to speak on a given topic. It goes so far beyond just simple bragging and becomes the way we actually interact.

Think about this for just a moment: over the years, people have come to me for advice on a wide variety of topics. Now, I do not claim for even a minute to be any great wise sage or anything like that, but I have walked the Earth for a while now, and learned some things. And so, if you were to come to me for advice, here is how it would go: you tell me what is on your mind, I listen, think on it a bit, and tell you a story. The story will be one of two things: a story of when the same thing happened to me or someone I knew, or the story will be about something similar enough to your problem to hopefully make sense. Because advice comes from experience, right? And by my showing my own experience to you, then the potential solution I might offer will make more sense, and be more credible, right?

Ideas are communicated via stories. New thoughts and concepts are put into story form. It is easier to grasp a story where we see the idea in play than simple raw data. In short, it is a big part of the way we communicate, regardless of what language(s) you speak.

Television used to be a story telling medium.
Something, however, has gone horrifically wrong.

Now, I am going to speak exclusively about American TV. Other nations do far better things, ballsier things than we will: in America, the openly gay or bisexual character would be played for either heartrending angst or over the top minstrel-type flamboyance. We would never have the balls for a Captain Jack Harkness, where he is unabashed about his leanings, yet also a leader and an action-type hero. We just wouldn’t.

While American TV has never shied away from the lowest common denominators (jiggly boobs, violence for no reason, and Baywatch), we have often achieved something special. Through stories, the TV could make us think. Remember All In The Family? It would have been enough to paint Archie as a horrid racist, and made America face that, but even as he was, you couldn’t help but feel for the guy, just a blue collar joe seeing his family, his neighborhood, and his world changing, and knowing that he is being left behind. You were shocked at what he said, but still couldn’t help but to sympathize with the guy a little.

M*A*S*H* did the same, made us think through their stories, and so did many others. NYPD Blue, way back when, was like nothing else on earth, and to this day it still isn’t. Rescue Me often comes close to that level of brilliance, largely due to the writing and acting of Denis Leary, who finally gets to show us what he was always capable of.

And there are the ones who do not make it. Firefly, for a perfect example. You cared about these people, characters were well drawn and multi-dimensional, action and sex were not over the top, and they made you feel. It never had a chance. Like a lot of others. Jericho will end up following this same path, a story about the aftermath of nuclear war that to me is really about redemption and strength of family. But you have to stay with Jericho, and follow it, and that requires an attention span, something missing in this country.

Look, too much cleverness has always been a lead sinker for a lot of shows, but what is replacing them is the thing that frightens me so much.

Welcome to the reality show, where Americans can thrill at watching ordinary folk stripped down to their very basest impulses, and turn as vicious and cut throat as we could ask for. People get to screw each other out of anything they can, and we watch it with breathless anticipation, and the advertisers flock to by space on the program. We delight in watching that asshole chef torture his protégés (seeing one of them just say the hell with it and taking a big old Michael Myers-type butcher knife to him, now THAT would be some great TV!), and get o on seeing the almighty Donald say "You’re fired". Ozzy Osbourne, the prince of frigging darkness, became a zoo exhibit. It is all just so sad.

But more than sad, it is an indication of what I feel is our not-too-distant future. Survivor is the modern gladiator game, where we all try to out-fuck one another, as opposed to open bloodshed. But is gladiatorial nonetheless.

The Romans enjoyed a good gladiator show.
Look what happened to them.

Now, I am surely not so arrogant as to honestly believe that my take on the truth is really how it is. I think I am smart enough to know better than that. But when one person tell you his or her frank opinion (and I do tend to be pretty frank), then hopefully someone else will step up and do the very same. And it goes from there, a free exchange of ideas.

The Ten Commandments

Here is the problem with the Big 10: the ideas were great thousands of years ago, but they have grown somewhat watered down over time. Now, I know, some of you are saying that right is right and wrong is wrong, and I happen to agree with you, to a point, but it is time to re-examine these ten ideas and apply them to our times.Let’s go through them:

· The first four we can eliminate immediately. WORSHIP NO ONE BUT ME falls under the heading of monopoly, KEEP HOLY THE SABBATH is out because half the week will be kept holy, depending on your faith, MAKE NO IDOLS got pissed away a long time ago. Shit, most of Rome would be eliminated by this idea. TAKE NOT MY NAME IN VAIN again suggest arrogance and proprietarianism, which contradicts what the so-called clerics teach. So there is 40% wiped out right there. We are doing some serious damn streamlining here!

· HONOR YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR FATHER Well, what if they are assholes? No, really, think about this for a minute. What if they come from that very still and murky gene pool that should never have been allowed to reproduce. Do I honor them? What if daddy used to rape me, or mommy used to pimp me out to get money for heroin? That's not funny, that’s real. So that one is out, too.

· THOU SHALT NOT KILL Well, the problem with this one is that while it is a very nice notion, but it is more of a suggestion than a Commandment, wouldn’t you say. Don’t kill, unless your church, state, or country tell you that you have to go and get busy with. We won’t eliminate this, but let’s put it to the side, for now, so we can revisit.

· THOU SHALT NOT STEAL This is good, simple and to the point. I like this one, it’s a keeper. The only problem is this: if your church or your country tells you ok to do this in someone else’s country, it stops being theft, and becomes conquering, and occupying.

· THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY this is a tough one, as we all know. It worked fairly well way back when, at a time when 30 was a long life span. Things that were not taken into account when this was written: people will live longer, and have more time to spend together. Thus making this one tougher and tougher. Also, people evolve, from day to day, and they change. They grow apart. And it isn’t because one or the other did something, it just is the way the world moved on.

· THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS this is the best of the lot, in my opinion. Don’t lie. How much simpler can you get? Tell the truth.

· THOU SHALT NOT COVET This is out completely, and why, you ask? Because it goes directly against human nature. It is normal and natural. Someone has more money, more stuff, a nicer car, a nicer home. We won’t get into the spouse thing, just pass that one by. We see the things that we don’t have, and we want them. We want to get these things for ourselves. This is capitalism at its basest root. Without coveting what others have, why would we work harder, produce more, and earn more? What would be the motivation?

Human beings are born with an innate sense of right and wrong, with the exception of those troubled and frightening sorts who are not. We know that sex with a child is wrong. We know that conning someone out of their money and leaving them with nothing is wrong. We know that thinking of ourselves ahead of our children is wrong. We know that war is just flat-out wrong. We do not need a church, state, or government to tell us it is wrong. We do not need outdated and frequently ignored orders to tell us what is wrong.

So I will offer my own set of commandments today, simpler, more modern ideas to help us all in our day to day life:

· THOU SHALT TELL THE TRUTH I told you that one was a keeper.

· THOU SHALT NOT STEAL OR KILL WITHOUT A DAMN GOOD REASON. Defending yourself, defending you family, stealing from hunger, these are damn good reasons. This is left vague for a reason, so that it can be interpreted on a case by case basis.

· THOU SHALT KEEP THY JUDGEMENTS TO THYSELF Don’t ever point a finger of judgement or ridicule at another human being. You don’t live that person’s life, so how can you judge? And really, how close of a look would you like for me to take in your personal closet?

· THOU SHALT NOT USE THE ONES WHO CARE ABOUT THEE if someone really and truly cares about you, and you know it, either accept and treasure that devotion, or cast it away altogether. Don’t use that person when it suits you and not otherwise. Guys, this counts especially for you, with that girl you have all known in your lives who was the fallback, the one you could call after six months of silence, and who would always take you back. The one who was always the guaranteed roll in the hay. Knock that shit off.

· THOU SHALT TRY REAL HARD NOT TO MESS ANYONE’S LIFE UP TOO BADLY. We are going to do it, no matter how hard we try, we are going to hurt people as we sail through our lives. Sometimes it is our own bling carelessness, and sometimes the individual sets themselves up to get hurt, and usually, it is a combination of the two. Try like hell to limit this as much as possible.

· THOU SHALT EXTEND A HELPING HAND WHERE THEY CAN call it karma or whatever, but what comes around does indeed go around. Can I walk through downtown Boston and give money to ever homeless person I see? No, I cannot, or else I would homeless too. But you can still try to do the right thing for someone when the opportunity presents itself, especially when there is no profit in it for you.

· THOU SHALT KEEP THY DICK IN THY PANTS UNLESS INVITED TO TAKE IT OUT Any sex crime, especially one against a child, should be met with a public execution. Period. End of conversation. But this one covers more than just sex crimes. Don’t feed her too many drinks and then give her a hop when she is too drunk to know what is going on. And ladies, this applies to you too. Sex is a wonderful thing, a gesture of love, a way to reproduce, an act of intimacy between two people who genuinely care about each other, and, generally speaking, an all around good time for al involved (if done right, of course). But do it wrong to someone, take from them what they did not want to give to you, and you have just fucked that person up on some level for life. So keep thy zipper closed.

This, to me, is the way I want to live my own life. Do I screw it up? Of course I do, I am only a human, nothing more. But this is the set of ideals, arrived at by reason and logic and the innate sense of right and wrong I was born with, by which I try to steer my ship. And the best part? It leaves my Sunday morning’s free to sleep in.

[Kyrena C.]
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