What Makes a Friend??

I sat down in front of my Facebook page, and honestly thought that I was going to be able to sum this question up in just a handful of lines, to somehow or another come down with some form of a "big truth."Maybe it is somewhat arrogant on my part to sit here and think that I will be able to come out with something like that. But you know what? I will take a label like arrogant, quite honestly. At least the arrogant woman aims high in life, right? And that that really counts for something to me. Maybe I am wrong here, but at least the arrogant woman aims high in life, I think. Even if you fall short of your goal, at least you can look yourself in the mirror and know that you tried, and trying, in my opinion, beats the hell out of just sitting back and wishing you had done something instead of nothing.So, here we go.

WHAT IS IT THAT MAKES A FRIEND?

I honestly had thought that this would be a pretty easy, straightforward answer for this question, but I have found that it is anything but. There is just so much to this, that I find my best approach is to make a list of the things which make a good friend. Hopefully (and let's all cross out fingers and our toes!) I won't babble on and on for too terribly long

HONESTY--First and foremost. If I am being an asshole, then a true friend will tell me so. If I am wrong and out of line, then they will have to trouble letting me know the fact. Otherwise, how can I ever know? It is kind of like my fly being open......if you don't tell me, I'll never know.

GOOD TIMES AND BAD--I have found that a true friendship, that kind of deep bond that can form between two people, in a lot of ways is like a marriage, of sorts. It will not always be about fun and games. Sooner or later, the shit is going to hit the fan for one or the other, and it is up to you to be there for your friend. My very good friend just lost his mother very suddenly. Between this and a whole bundle of family shit, he and his wife, easily my two dearest friends on the planet, are just all kinds of sideways with shit going on. So I set about making them some food. What began as a simple thing of baked ziti ended up being a half dozen different dishes which likely could have fed half the city of Denver! The point? It was all freezable food, and they will not have to live on take-out food for some time to come. They will have some good, home-cooked comfort food to carry them over, and one less thing to have to concern themselves about. Why? Why did I do this? Simple: so that they will know that someone is thinking of them, and wants to help in any way they can.

HUMOR--No matter how bad a day might be, a real friend will be the one you can count on to at least find a couple of laughs with.

MONEY--I am a little odd when it comes to money. It is simple: all of my life I never, ever gave a damn about money. I always need it, just like everyone else does, but where some people get on their knees and worship the almighty buck, I just view it as a tool. One thing I hate, really hate, is to go out to dinner with someone and then sit and itemize the check when it comes. No, I just want to take the bill, say $50, add a tip, say $10 for easy math, and split it, $30 a piece. Problem solved. You are short this week? Fine, I will cover you this week, you just pick it up next time around. Again, problem solved. People who are too hung up about money are generally not the people with who I claim friendship.

DIFFERENCES--Some of the closest, tightest bonds I have formed with people and been with individuals with whom I had major differences. Religion, race, beliefs, whatever. Each person I meet like this will teach me something, and I will walk away from each encounter a richer woman for it, for my store of knowledge will be that much larger for the experience. I remember a friend of mine Alan, a Muslim fellow from Syria. Our friendship went before and after 9/11, and when others distanced themselves from Alan after the fact, I made it my business to have lunch with him once a week because the man who was Alan did not change after those demons flew planes into the buildings. He was still the guy that loved a good strong cup of coffee, who found the game of baseball utterly baffling, and whose word was solid as a rock.

MY WORD--You can take everything from me. My money, my property, my car, even the clothes on my back (something you really do not want to see happen, but I digress). But my word in just that: my word. If I tell you I will be at such and such a place, or will do such and such a thing, then I want you to go to bed secure in the knowledge that this given thing is going to go down solid.. All my life, my word was good, and I hope to never lose that quality.HELP--A friend will lend a hand when you ask for it. Without bitching and moaning about it. They will do so quietly and thoroughly, as if they were doing it for themselves.

Now, I have listed a number of things here today which, in my opinion, are the building blocks upon which a friendship is made.

Your friend is your soul's mirror
Your friend is your second soul and third eye.